LeAnn Powers’ family gave up complaining for Lent. One would think the Powerses will congratulate themselves and, like a drinker who sacrificed whiskey, pour a stiff cocktail of whining, bellyaching and griping.
Not so. LeAnn and her husband, Patrick, of Eddyville will continue to wear rubber purple bracelets as reminders to avoid complaining. It has worked.
The bracelets are a worldwide phenomenon born of a simple church sermon in Kansas City, Mo., 18 months ago by the Rev. Will Bowen, who will appear today on “CBS Sunday Morning.”
Bowen asked his congregation to wear the bracelets bearing the word “spirit” because he noticed how dispiriting it is to complain all the time. He should know. He whined to his wife so much that she told him all he did was complain.
His church members took the challenge and word spread. Bowen appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” More than 150 newspapers and magazines published stories. After creation of the nonprofit A Complaint Free World and accompanying Web site, 5 million of the bracelets have been shipped out.
When a wearer complains, he or she switches the bracelet to the other wrist. Do this for 21 days, the amount of time to form a habit, and it can go a long way toward stopping the complaints, Bowen said.
“Most would agree there is too much complaining, and most people agree the world isn’t like they want it to be,” Bowen said. “There is a correlation with the two. We are so busy focusing on what is wrong with the world, we are not focusing on what we want it to be.”
Consider this Bowen’s Easter Sunday sermon: “Jesus said, ‘As they believe so shall it happen unto them.’ Your thoughts create your world and your world indicates what you are thinking.”
Bowen struck a chord that has reverberated throughout churches and private groups in Iowa and fits neatly into a secular trend of thought control in self-help books and seminars.
It’s an age-old truism: Negative thoughts lead to negative talk and, ultimately, negative results.
Powers picked up her bracelet in January after hearing a no-complaint sermon at Eddyville United Methodist Church.
“We live in a world where we’ve become so good at complaining about everything,” said her pastor, the Rev. Dan Ridnouer. “We blame the weather. We blame the government. We blame the media. We blame each other. Honestly, we are blessed with such abundance we need to realize what we have.”
Ironically, Powers said that before hearing the sermon her complaint-heavy family had already thought of giving up complaining for Lent, which ended today with the arrival of Easter Sunday. Her eighth-grade son Tanner, 14, and college student Rachel, 20, joined the experiment.
“I didn’t even make it out of church the first day without complaining,” LeAnn Powers said. “It’s been a daily struggle.”
She had issues with minor road rage. Basketball referees were not kindly considered in the Powers’ home. Family members could be irritating.
But slowly, they began to catch themselves.
“With your spouse, it is a whole new way of relating to each other,” she said. “Sometimes we save the best for other people. You complain most with a spouse and that poisons a relationship.”
God doesn’t like it either, Ridnouer said. “He wants us to enjoy the life we have and not complain.”
Bowen did research on complaining and found a psychologist to explain that it’s really an instinct from our ancestors, mammals being a “squealing species” that vocalize as a way of getting help or seeking to mount a counterattack.
Bowen said we complain for an emotional connection (”Isn’t the weather terrible?”), to avoid taking action, to pre-excuse poor performance or to brag (he is stupid, therefore I am not).
In the secular world, similar approaches have surfaced that focus on watching your thoughts.
Marlene Turner is a trainer for a program called the Principles, a series of seminars used in Iowa schools, prisons and other organizations.
Your thoughts create your reality and, instead of lashing out, you should consider every moment a new moment, she explained.
“People think they react out of feelings and emotions, but it’s the thoughts that create the emotions,” Turner said.
Complaining can also litter the work world.
Alex Pattakos, author of the new paperback “Prisoners of Our Thoughts,” wrote that a “bitch-and-moan club” around the water cooler might seem like co-worker bonding but it actually disconnects us.
“We perpetuate an old community of victimization and helplessness,” he wrote.
All well and good. But doesn’t this make us all Pollyannas, whistling past graveyards?
In a Des Moines Register online forum, the newspaper’s IowaLife staff commented on its own 21-day purple-bracelet experiment. One reader asked if, in fact, complaining was a vital part of our democracy. Observations, even critical ones, can’t be bad, can they?
“The difference between a complaint and a statement of fact is your energy about it,” Bowen said.
In other words, you can whine that the winter is miserably cold or say (cue the upbeat voice) that, boy, the winter has been below average!
But what about the healing powers of venting or the empowerment of taking action against negative forces?
“We are not inviting people to suck it up and take what the world deals you,” Bowen said. “We are inviting people to talk to the people who can make a change. When you’re upset with your boss, don’t complain to your wife.”
And venting, he continued, is simply taking the flame of a burning candle and passing it to another candle. Yours doesn’t go out and you ignite another fire.
Complaining about not complaining is a side effect of wearing a bracelet. Many were chagrined to find gossiping also can be complaining.
If what you say could be said in front of the person you are talking about, it would be OK, Bowen said.
All of a sudden it may get very quiet around the office and home.
Or, the atmosphere could change.
“One couple told me that all they did was complain to each other, so they found other ways to voice it without whining,” Ridnouer said. “It just makes people realize some of things we complain about are pretty petty.”
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